Mania

Posted: February 5, 2016 in Uncategorized

I have so many thoughts running through my head right now.  I figured I’d make a post since it’s been forever.

I’m on track to finish my Masters of Science in Instructional Technology in December of this year.  I’ve been a full time student for the last three years.  December will end this phase of my adult life.

Now I’m seriously thinking of going to cooking school.  I have no desire to be a chef or anything.  It’s just a passion.  Have completely gone off my rocker?

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The Comfort of Familiarity

Posted: May 20, 2015 in Uncategorized

Yesterday I woke up in an extremely foul mood.  There seems to be this stranger inhabiting my body, and I honestly don’t like her.  I’m usually never in a foul mood unless something drastic happens.  I’m chalking this mood up to PMS.  Two things happened that would normally have escalated my foul mood, but instead, brought a sense of peace to me.  These two things brought back parts of my past life that I miss and enjoyed doing.  The first thing was helping a co-worker troubleshoot Java issues with Google Chrome.  Yes, how boring that sounds.

If you know me, you know my background is in tech support/instructional technology/learning management systems/technical training/technical documentation/general technical stuff.  I’m a very resourceful person.  I enjoy helping others, especially when it comes to figuring things out and being rewarded by fixing them and seeing things work like they are supposed to.  I also like proving people wrong, especially people that could stand to be proven wrong to humble them a little.  IT doesn’t always workout that way, but at least I still prove them wrong.  It’s just one of the things that makes me tick.  Maybe you see it as a fault, but I see it as as challenge.

The second thing that happened was my computer crashing.  Usually I would have probably screamed, said many not so ladylike words, and thrown the computer across the room, out of the window, or somewhere other than where it usually sits.  Instead, I welcomed this.  I removed my Windows partition on my Mac and reinstalled Windows.  I am using this computer mainly for work.  I looked at this as a fresh start.  I got rid of everything that I’d used the computer for in the past, like two years of school work.  Now it only has my work tools on it.  It took about four hours, but that time flew by.  Yes, there were many instances of my patience being tested, but me and the computer both survived and came out better in the end.

While I was still in a funk at the end of the day, these two things and their comfort of familiarity turned my day around and definitely changed my mood.  It’s funny how things happen that way.

I’m naive to a lot of things in life.  There is so much out there that I don’t even know about.  I like to think of myself as a well rounded person, but I realize new things every day.  For example, Saturday night I was watching Top Gun and realized then that Tim Robbins was in the movie.  It took me 30 years to realize that.  Maybe it didn’t take that long as I really didn’t know who Tim Robbins was until I saw The Shawshank Redemption.  I like to think I’m a pretty smart person.  Either that or a lot of people are blatantly lying to me.  While I am full of self-doubt, I do tend to believe I’m smarter than many people.  I clearly don’t know everything.  I’m not good at everything.  Some people think I’m a genius because I’m good with technology.  Well, give me some knitting sticks and yarn or paint and a paint brush and you will see me make a complete mess of things.  We all have our strengths and our skills.  They don’t make us any smarter than a person overall, just maybe more knowledgeable in a certain area.  School is one of those areas that I feel pretty confident in.  I always enjoy the challenge of a new semester with new courses.  I can usually have my strategy down after reading the introduction to courses and the syllabi of my classes.   There is a reason that I’m still a student at 36 years of age.  I love learning.

This morning I experienced something that is very unsettling to me.  I experienced doubt when it comes to my class this semester.  I started graduate school today.  I’m pursuing my Master of Science in Instructional Technology.  It is something I developed a passion for through my previous job at Wake Forest University.  Now I’m actually getting the formal education for it.  I don’t like this feeling of doubt.  It’s not doubt about how the class will turn out.  It’s self-doubt.  One of our first assignments is to introduce ourself and state where we currently work and our Instructional Technology experience.  Well, so far 6 out of the 17 students in the class have posted.  I’m one of the six.  After reading the other five, I feel like a complete loser.  I’m in a sort of panicky mode right now.  I feel that this class is going to require a lot of creative thinking.  I am not a creative thinker.  Well, let me rephrase.  I don’t think of myself as a creative thinker, but many people do.

Why can’t I see myself through their eyes?  Why do I have this self-doubt based on reading other people’s introductions?  Why must I always compare myself to others?